An exercise…

This is a sample of my book 'The Wife Coach', each chapter has a mental exercise to help you see things differently and challenge you to think about things in a different way, here is one exercise for you to try out:

First think about your roles in life currently and write down them down in a list, remembering them all, including for example; best friend, school dinner lady, netball coach, mum, daughter, wife etc.

Look over the list and now think of all the skills and 'know how' you use to fulfil each of those roles and write them down in a long list too. Have fun with it, if you have skills in getting really grubby school shirts clean, then write it down! (And send me your contact details I could do with the help!)

Once you have exhausted all your skills and 'know how' list… think of four more! Yes you can do it.. I know it's hard sometimes to say you are really good at something but no gain without pain (so my old gym teacher used to say!)

OK, so you have a list of roles and you have a list of skills and knowledge. What do the lists say to you? What are you saying to yourself right NOW?

By the way, if you have not actually written a list at this point,

"Oh I have the list in my head" you might reply, I am looking over your shoulder right now and saying, "you do really need to write it down to be able to think it through properly, because as the words look back at you from the paper you will be able to find more meaning than you ever could by just having a list 'in your head'. Try it now…

Have you had any thoughts on the number of roles you play in your life, and how many skills you have gained by being so flexible and adaptable?

If I were to ask you to write five positive sentences starting with I am really brilliant at… what would you write?

Need examples? What about;

• “I am really brilliant at balancing home and work”
• “I am really brilliant at being wife/mum/girlfriend/partner”
• “I am really brilliant at setting myself things to do each day and actually doing them”
• “I am really brilliant at listening to other people's problems and trying to help them”

Now ask yourself how easy was it to write something positive about you on that paper? Did it take a while to come, did it jump out to you right away, are you stumped for something to write? OR did you immediately start thinking about what you are not so brilliant at?

'Ah ha!' I hear you say, 'I could write you a list as long as your arm for that one!' I am here to say that that way of thinking is not helping you to realise your worth every day. It needs to switch, we need to work on that.

In their book called 'Why Women Don't' Ask', Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever say that women who raise children are one of the major wealth producers in the economy, as two thirds of all wealth is created by human innovation, skills and enterprise. Even though this has been found through research to be true, women who devote themselves either full or part time to child rearing suffer disadvantage in terms of work opportunities and are sometimes seen as not working at all.

In turn, women 'soak up' this notion and then also feel that their contribution is less than, or not as important as a traditional wage earner. This enables them to 'forget' their worth and the huge amounts of skills and abilities they use on a daily basis to ensure the family is looked after and fed, the animals are exercised, the budget is balanced, the mum's taxi service runs on time, making time to listen to a friend or relative , offering support when needed day or night, all these skills are worth more than diamonds to the people on the receiving end of them… so come on, write those 5 things down, starting with:

'I am really brilliant at…' and start to understand, remember and celebrate your worth.

The Wife Coach book is currently being developed; if you would like me to send you an email when it is available, along with purchase details please with ‘book alert’ in the subject line.

Get in touch!
Contact Christine on 0771 858 4643